You have gotten so used to bottling up all your emotions that even your partner is sometimes a stranger to them.
In all those times you experience childhood trauma, you felt all kinds of emotions that you were too young to deal with—fear, anger, misery, helplessness and possibly even guilt. In your own home, you felt no escape and the only way you dealt with the rage was turning it inwards and possibly projecting it on to yourself. The rough childhood that you had sometimes stops you from letting true love take over your life because of the following.
Never feeling safe in your own home as a child has made you struggle with trusting people as an adult. There are times when you avoid situations that make you feel vulnerable. Even though you hate the misery of feeling lonely, you still isolate yourself because you've grown used to it. When you meet a partner who treats you well, you tell yourself that it's too good to be true and that it'll only be a matter of time before they show their true colors. Being too choosy with the ones you trust has possibly made you filter out even the compassionate people in your life who only want the best for you.
Constantly being told as a child that you're not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough, are hurtful words that still echo in your mind as an adult. And that stops you from giving yourself fully into love, even though you long for it. "Fear of rejection often dominates the daughter’s inner world because she’s afraid of more proof and evidence that her mother is right and that she really is worthless and unlovable," said author Peg Streep, who wrote about the effects of being an unloved child for PsychCentral. Even when you meet a kind person, ready to commit to you, you tell yourself that you don't deserve to be in a relationship, robbing yourself of the chance to be loved.
When things get rough in a relationship, you are quick to give up on your partner without a fair fight. You are convinced that this was bound to happen at some point or the other, because that's what you saw as a child. But every relationship has its own ups and downs, and giving up too soon can take away all the possibilities of all that your relationship could have been. When you see that your partner wants to fix things, it's best not to get too hasty. There's always room for improvement and holding your ground during the tough times can help you and your partner grow stronger.
If you grow up with a parent who would pay heed to your needs or your emotions, you might have gotten used to bottling up your emotion and keeping them to yourself, even as an adult. "You may hide your feelings, push people away, keep secrets, and shut down when others show emotion," wrote marriage and family therapist, Andrea Brandt, for Psychology Today. When even your partner is a stranger to your innermost thoughts, they will remain an outsider to your emotions which can stop you from forming a strong connection. Once you've found the right person, don't hesitate to open up to them; the right one will stick right by you, ready to confront your darkest fears with you.
The thought, "I wish I was thinner/smarter/prettier/more handsome" may be a thought that often crosses your mind as a result of the belittling words you heard and actions you witnessed as a child. As you grew up, you may have constantly tried to change yourself to please others, including your partner. But nothing justifies having to force yourself to change, not even "love". A partner who's dedicated to loving you in its real sense would never expect you to change yourself. While you look in the mirror and wish something about you was different, they would be the one showing you and convincing you that there's so much to love about you and be proud of.
Disclaimer: This article is based on insights from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.