The video sparked a conversation around unhealthy, abusive relationships.
When you're in an abusive relationship, sometimes you might not see the signs, and sometimes when you do you might struggle to leave the relationship. When your partner seems controlling, it can be a huge red flag. TikTok user @ccarollynn shared a terrifying list of commands demanded by her boyfriend before she went off to college. Fortunately, she is no longer with this person but the list struck a chord with many people who have been in unhealthy, controlling relationships. According to Newsweek, she shared the video via her TikTok account, @ccarollynn, saying "I wish I was joking." She displayed a text message she received from her ex-boyfriend, whose contact is now saved as "mistake" in her contacts. "I thought it would be funny to read the rules my crazy, controlling ex-boyfriend sent me before I left for college," Carolyn says in the video.
The horrifying text from her ex began with the title, "Rules for Carolyn: PAY ATTENTION." In the list, are 11 demands from the ex-boyfriend that Carolyn was supposedly expected to follow. The list read as follows:
1. Don't ignore me after you finish reading this.
2. Never turn off your life360 find my iPhone or Snap location.
3. Approve all outfits you wear past me and my mom.
4. Do not come into contact with boys by 25 or more feet.
5. Absolutely no drinking.
6. No crop tops or tight clothing.
7. Be in your dorm by 9pm every night and facetime me so I know you are alone.
8. No frat parties, house parties, dorm parties etc.
9. No wearing other boy's clothing.
10. No comparing hand sizes with other boys, hugging kissing etc.
11. Never take off the ring I gave you.
In the video, the TikToker shared her thoughts on each rule put up by her ex as she read them off. "I don't see what you or your mom have to do with what I wear, thanks," she said about the rule on her clothes. About the rule on staying away from boys, she said, "I guess I just don't go to classes with boys or boy professors anymore, sorry dropping out." She does the same for all the other rules. Fortunately for her, the relationship ended after nine months of dating. Although it had been getting worse by month 3, she said. In a follow-up video, she explained how she dealt with everything and shared, "I did notify his parents that I said that, and that any responsibility would now fall on them because I made them aware. And then I did block him on absolutely everything. I do not stand for anybody to be mentally abused, physically abused... it is never okay," she told her followers.
These aren’t rules they are used to control women. I don’t have a daughter but moms of daughters please please tell your girls to get away from anyone trying to control them. https://t.co/8SeanFTNtW— brick-a-brack (@curlgurlnatalie) September 20, 2021
The list is a wake-up call to remind anyone who is going through similar to speak out and to get help. The Tiktoker urged, "I wasn't trying to glamorize anything, I know I was joking and laughing. I just want to say that that is considered abuse. It's considered emotionally controlling and emotionally abusive. And if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship or a domestic violence anything like that there are tons of help resources and hotlines that you can call. If you ever need help please get it."
If you are being subjected to domestic abuse or know of anyone else who is, please visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website or call 1-800-799-7233 or text LOVEIS to 22522.