The woman whose video has since gone viral argues that it's wrong for parents to guilt their kids.
Many kids often grow up feeling obligated to be there for their parents sometimes even outside the realms of their own capabilities. They think that their parents have provided for them so they need to listen to whatever their parents say. The guilt and obligations build up and sometimes even come at the cost of losing one own's individuality and dreams and goals. Now, one mom is changing that perspective. Lisa Pontius is a former private chef from New York who moved to South Carolina with her husband to become a full-time stay-at-home mother of two. In her now-viral TikTok video, she explains the title "Kids Don't Owe Their Parents Anything". The video has since gained over 5 million views. In the clip she starts off by saying, "Here's what's going to piss people off — children don't owe their parents a certain kind of relationship. And depending on the parent they might not owe them respect either, because that is reciprocal." The mom makes it very clear that children shouldn't feel they owe their parents anything for raising them because that's just "parenting" which they "signed up for."
The 33-year-old then bluntly continues, "It's a parent's job to provide for their children. It's a responsibility. Not everyone rises to the occasion, but that's like the bare minimum, taking care of your kid's physical and financial needs. The level above that is their emotional needs, which good parents do, but all of that is not a contingent relationship. You're not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults." The mom then concludes by saying that children are "people" and that they "don't owe you shit because you took care of them."
Speaking to Buzzfeed, she further elaborated her stance on the matter, "You don't get a participation trophy for housing your child or keeping your child clean. The whole 'roof over your head' argument is manipulative, because in theory, wouldn't you have had a place to live for yourself regardless of if you had children? A kid isn't a freeloading roommate, they're your dependent and your responsibility." She added, "I hope parents, especially parents of younger kids, take away how delicate this relationship is that they are building with their children. That they will one day be adults and get to decide if they want you around, and hopefully you've given them a reason to want to."
Of course they don't owe the parents anything.The parents chose to have the kids the kids didn't ask to be born.— ????? (@twotrikpony) July 27, 2021
If anyone has doubts, the millennial mom is also practicing what she preaches. While she and her husband adore their kids, they don't expect anything in return. She reiterates, "They don't owe me anything once they're grown just because I birthed them. Hopefully by that point, I will have earned their admiration and respect by the relationship we have built, but that's not a guarantee. Some parents parent through fear and authoritarianism, and who in their adult life wants to maintain a close relationship with a dictator or someone who emotionally manipulates you? I kept seeing the same messages on my videos from members of the older generation that said children owe respect to their parents regardless of how the parent treated the child, and I think that's simply naive and unrealistic."